Awesome/Not Awesome (10-8-09)

Originally published 10-8-09

Okay there kids, remember: it's okay to comment on my notes for reasons other than pointing out my shortcomings and faults in my writing.

AWESOME: Gay People

Have you ever met a horribly unpleasant, miserable gay dude or lesbian?

The answer's no, you haven't. Nobody has. I don't think they exist. And I'm almost positive there's been no study into sexual orientation and personality/demeaner, so consider this my own original theory (I expect to be credited for this, all you Psych majors out there looking for a thesis).

Gay people are called "gay" because they are indeed "gay".

(Gay in quotes means happy or in a good mood)

That's got to be it! I've met really shitty straight people, young people, old people, Asians, white people, black people, (not that being gay is equivalent to an ethnicity) and the list goes on. Now, you mean to tell me that the only group from which I have not encountered an unpleasant member, the homosexual group, is commonly called the "gay" community?

COINCIDENCE?! I THINK NOT!

I'm sure not-"gay" gay people are out there. But why are they so hard to find? I could spit and hit a miserable piece of shit straight person 9 times out of 10- 10 times out of 10 if I'm at the Republican National Convention! (I wonder how many readers I've lost with that statement....relax Pubs, it's just a joke)

Come to think of it... the word straight has a more miserable feel to it, too. People ask you to tell it to them straight, they mean no fuckin around get to the point. Well, usually that's not very fun.

And in comedy, the "straight" man is the one who usually has significantly less interesting things to say and do. He's just there to react, as a kind of foil to the funny guy (or gal).

Somebody else had to have noticed this.

Shit. I was really looking forward to publishing starckie's Theory on Gayness.

Who came up with these terms anyway? If what I think is true, they're not creative in the least! The titles gay and straight suck!

But gay people, now they're awesome!


NOT AWESOME: Yield Signs

What the shit. Yield. Make up your Goddamn mind, either go or don't. Too much thinking (or not thinking) involved with these signs.

They just don't work. If I have to slow down at all because you're merging onto the main road or into my lane, you didn't yield. What is there to not understand?! Don't get in the Goddamn way!

That's what yield means: Do your thing, but stay out of my way.

That's way to long a message for one sign! Just think about other signs you see all the time.

STOP.

Short, sweet, and to the point.

There's no dicking around that one. STOP. You either obey the sign or you don't, but there's no middle ground.

"Sorry Officer, I psuedo-stopped."

Get that shit out of here.

So you can't argue with STOP but you can when a message (yield) openly says, "Push your luck. They can't pin this on you (for sure) if you go."

Here's the consequence laydown:
1) Wait your turn. Merge. Problem solved.

2) Go whenever you damn well feel, and make everyone else react to you. School bus in your way? Fuck 'em. "I's got shit to do, students! Life's a bitch!" Those children will go home with a new outlook on life, that the world is cold, cruel, uninviting place where any random person would sooner mow you down than wait a minute to peacefully accommodate you, the person in the right. And they will grow up to become bitter, miserable human beings themselves who will not yield correctly to anyone because that's what they learned was the norm growing up.

You know what would solve this problem? I do.

Gay people.

Have gay people be the only ones legally allowed to drive.

Not used to that kind of discrimination, gay people, huh?

Backwards discrimination. Awesome.