Awesome/Not Awesome (10-15-09)

Originally posted 10-15-09

Well, I was going to write about how much it sucks to have snow in mid-October.

But it looks like everybody and their brother is writing about that.

Oh, no- my mistake- they’re writing about how COOL is it to have snow in mid-October.

You know what’s not awesome? THOSE PEOPLE!

AWESOME: Army Time

I know I’m in the minority with this one, but I honestly believe that this is more logical.

It might not happen all that often, but there are times where you get confused with the time of the day. Somebody will tell you that something is going on at 9.

9 what?

A.M.? P.M.?




…..F.M.?

Maybe I’m looking too far into it, but as with most things in the army, they don’t dick around with time.

What time is that Goddamn thing you’re supposed to do this weekend?

2100. No confusion with that.

That means 9 P.M. all you readers not mathematically or common sensically inclined.

No way you could ever confuse 0900 with 2100. Two of those numbers are completely different!

Plus it sounds way cooler. Twenty-one hundred hours. Nine P.M.

C’mon, it’s not even close.

So yes, army time makes more sense by reducing confusion and, more importantly, increasing awesomeness.

“And that’s why I use it too”.


NOT AWESOME: Mechanical Pencils

Why?

Pencils are one of the simplest tools mankind has ever produced. It’s one step above dipping a feather in ink.

It is a small cylindrical piece of wood with a thinner cylinder of lead in the middle. Now, you’d think it would be a pain in the ass to sharpen such an object, but we have automatic and manual sharpeners.

It’s very easy.

And the tips only occasionally break! Really, pencils are doing well for themselves.

Until SOMEBODY decided that we need to unnecessarily complicate my most beloved writing utensil.

And that somebody was the inventor of the mechanical pencil. And so I ask, yet again, why?

What’s wrong with the regular pencil????

Furthermore, mechanical pencils don’t seem all that reliable to me. Has this situation happened to you?

You’re writing on your test paper with your mechanical pencil. But then- gasp!- the lead runs out. WHAT DO YOU DO?

If you don’t have a spare mechanical pencil (or pencil) you’re screwed. Or are you?

Ha! You’ve found your spare box of lead for your mechanical pencil. You grab one- too quickly- and it breaks.

Shit.

You grab another more carefully, and go to put it in your MP. You get it in, and you hit the bottom of the MP to push the lead up. You begin to write and-

Snap.

FUCK!

Too much pressure on too much lead.

You hit the bottom again, and now finally start writing on your test again. Crisis resolved.

You know who never has to deal with that situation?

THIS FUCKING GUY!

Uh.... me.

Here’s what happens if you use pencils. And before I start, anyone who uses pencils always carries more than one sharpened pencils with it.

So, same situation. You’re writing on your test paper with your pencil. But then- your tip breaks! Oh, no….

So you grab another pencil and keep going!

Or, if this happens to all of your pencils….

You grab your little manual sharpener and get cranking.

Problem solved in 20 seconds, tops.

Now……………

Having said all that,

WHY THE FUCK DO WE HAVE MECHANICAL PENCILS?! THEY’RE WORSE IN ALMOST EVERY WAY.

This is the smallest instance of the ill-effects of modernization. It looks shiny and better than the original, thus it follows it must be better.

No, no, no. Pencils kick ass.

Mechanical pencils- not so much. Some, like me, would say they’re not awesome.

And don’t you forget it!