Special Not Awesome: A Brief List of Why New "Family Guy" Sucks

IF THERE ARE ANY SPECIFIC EPISODES OF FAMILY GUY THAT YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO REVIEW, I AM TAKING SUGGESTIONS- LEAVE A COMMENT WITH THE EPISODE TITLE.



These are in no particular order.

1) It fails to make a point, instead just offending for the sake of offending.



There’s this kid I went to school with who made fun of everyone. Literally everyone. And while he was popular for a while- people thought he was funny- today, he doesn’t have any friends, because we all kind of realized oh hey, he’s a dick. Why do I want to hang out with him?



Listen, I’m all for offensive jokes- to a degree- and I believe that virtually everything has an element of humor in it. But there is a big difference in being a parody or satire of a situation, group of people, etc., and blatantly mocking it. Satire, when done well, pokes fun of society and can occasionally be hurtful but once you start losing the point of WHY you are making fun of society, you’ve gone from satire to straight-up asshole. And completely mean-spirited assholes aren’t funny- at least, not for very long.



2) The characters get less interesting by the minute.



Quick! Name a Chris-based episode!



Got one yet?





How about now?



Shit…. Uhh…



Where the hell did Chris go?



I remember a time in FG’s history where Chris and Meg were actual members of the family. You know, like ummm…. They mattered. Now, they’re just filler like most of the recent content of the show.



What’s worse, when Meg is around, she’s ignored.



So I ask you, what is the point of the character?



Kill her off. I’m serious. You don’t use her much, you’ve run the character into hate-this-character-only wall where she can’t carry a story on her own anymore, just kill her.



Chris gets a little more play, but he doesn’t need to be killed.



Yet.



I’m really annoyed that the show for the most part has devolved into the Seth MacFarlane voiced characters and Lois.

You know what? I freaking hate Brian, Stewie, and Peter. There, I said it.



With the possible exception of Brian, NONE of them have any interesting to offer on a regular basis.



This wasn’t always the case, of course, but as they say variety is the spice of life. And there is too much of a good thing.



Lois is the only real member of the family that is interesting, and that’s because she’s the only character that has a persona more developed that “the idiot”, “the disliked daughter”, etc. She’s the only one built for the long term… and it’s more and more apparent the longer the show goes on.



3) 5 minute cut-away gags are not funny.



Let’s say I’m making a short film. A comedy. It stars Blando, and Dull-ella as the male and female characters in an awkward situation. Maybe Dull-ella catches Blando … in the middle of something private that Blando was doing. Alone. I don’t know. Make up a scenario.



So Blando is caught off-guard, and no doubt Dull-ella is shocked.



WOULDN’T IT BE INTERESTING TO SEE THEIR REACTIONS? HOW THEY REMEDY THE SITUATION? I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ALONG THOSE LINES?!



Man, you know, it sure would be funny to see that- so many avenues the writer can take after THAT premise, I’m sure.



Now, remember I am making this short film. And I haven’t made any other films before.



The judges at a comedy film competition are interested- what’s going to happen?



That’s why Blando looks directly at the screen and goes “Hey! Look at this!”



The scene immediately drops and in its stead Twisted Sisters music video for “We’re Not Gonna Take It” plays for the next four minutes uninterrupted.



The judges are confused. One bangs his head off the table repeatedly. The enthralled expressions on their faces give way to contempt as this non-sequitor is forced into their skulls.



When the video finally ends, Blando and Dull-ella are seated at a table. Dull-ella goes “Boy that was awkward yesterday.”



Blando: “Yes, it was.”



FIN.



Here’s the written response I would have received from the judges.



“F-Minus for Fucktard



What the shit was that? You are one of the laziest writers I have ever seen. Why did you think that was funny? What happened between your characters? All I remember from your film is Dee Snider in drag, and that stopped being funny 25 years ago! Do the human race a favor and never attempt to make a film again. We award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”



Here’s the kicker. I made no money making that film.



Seth MacFarlane has more money that he could possibly spend and this is what he gives us every third episode of FG.

I don’t know how many thousands of dollars he makes per episode, but he doesn’t even finish it. He leaves 5 minutes for clips he can cheaply obtain and stick in there, and then I imagine he wipes his ass with a wad of bills while twirling his mustache as he leaves his office at 11:30 a.m. on a Friday with 2/3 of an episode done.



4) They’ve clearly run out of material….



The danger of using cut-away gags as often as they do (approximately 25 times per 22 minute episode) is that these are not a renewable resource.



I told myself I wouldn’t do this, but I’m going to compare FG to a much better-written show- South Park. Specifically the Kenny dying gag.



I think in the first 80 episodes of South Park, Kenny died 79 times or some crazy bullshit like that (he lived in a Christmas episode I believe).



Do you what they did after that?



THEY SAID ENOUGH IS FUCKING ENOUGH AND KNOCKED THAT SHIT OFF.



The well runs dry man, it’s not funny anymore. Or at least not nearly as funny.



The only other times Kenny has died since then is when it directly relates to the story they are currently telling- i.e. it is a plot device. See: Armies of Heaven vs. Armies of Hell and Coon and Friends/BP Disaster episodes.



Since Family Guy decided to do away with plot devices, this means they use cut-away gags with no rhyme or reason and do just whatever the hell they please.



I honestly cannot remember the last time a FG cut-away had me laugh. Like I mean, really laugh, like miss the next minute of the episode laugh- a regular occurrence when they had a writing staff still working for the show.



5) … because they rely on meta-humor WAYYYYY too much.



Although, I would take all the shitty cut-aways they have to give me if they would STOP using meta. Holy shit, is it annoying, and again, it relates to the fact that the writers have just threw their hands in the air, perhaps as if they no longer care, took their fat paychecks, AND STOPPED TRYING.



It’s pure laziness, and we reward it every time we watch a new episode.



These are the ones that piss me off the most:



“Oh we don’t have a clip? I thought we’d have a clip.”



“Hello, I’m Peter Griffin. We at Family Guy have decided not to air this gag as it is offensive. Oh, what the hell, let’s air it anyway.”



Any reference to the Cleveland Show or American Dad longer than 3 seconds.



Particularly that second one, because it took a minute to explain why they weren’t going to show it (not funny) followed by the actual gag (not funny). LAZINESS.



6) Attitude



I think most of my problems all stem from this one.



Remember the good ol’ days of Family Guy. Back when they didn’t have the money they do now. Back when they had to work for it. Do you remember the tone of the show?



It was more innocent (see- better satire), had more developed and interesting characters, the gags were fresh, more relevant, and didn’t crush the plots of the respective episodes. And the show and its writers didn’t walk around like they owned the joint.



The show was more inviting. It’s like that underground band that you hold a special connection with because, like, they’re YOUR band. Nobody else knows them.



Now, when your band hits it big time and other people start listening to it, does it ruin the relationship you have with it?

A little bit, yes, but if the band is truly good, then you’ll keep listening and you’ll keep enjoying them.



Now when Family Guy was revived, it was still pretty good. And suddenly, everyone was on board! FG was HUGE!!!

But FG knew it was huge. And every time a new episode airs, FG goes “yeah, that’s fucking right we’re fucking FG ya diggg? We don’t give a fuck what you think, you’re gonna laugh anyway.”



Instead of being that underground band, FG is now that ultra-rich, ultra-famous movie star that got pulled over for speeding- and we’re the cop.



We pull over FG for speeding -- i.e. we tell FG that it’s not funny anymore, they’ve lost sight of what they’re about—and FG replies, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m God damn Family Guy!” While most cops wouldn’t accept that excuse, we take it on a weekly basis.



We let them get away with it.



So I’m going to take a stand. I shall add my voice to the millions of you- in watch-dog groups, fans of good animation, fans of good comedy- that will call for Family Guy’s cancellation.



Put it- and us- out of our misery.



And for those of you who need to watch an animated program every week- check out Bob’s Burgers. I watch it every chance I get- it’s a damn good show with relatable, quirky characters, and developed storylines.



Want to convince me that FG deserves another shot? List an episode you want me to review.



For those of you that aren't sure what I consider "new" FG--- Season 7 for me is when it really went downhill. But I'll review any episode you want, and that I can get my hands on.



starckie out.