You know what makes a good intro to Awesome/Not Awesome?
That's right- a fucking commercial!
So go to www.awesomestarck.blogspot
Now, onto the shit!
AWESOME: Fire
We're sticking simple today, and going with one of the most awesome basic "elements" there is- fire.
Aside from the occasional death and loss of home, everything about fire is awesome. It looks cool, it fucks shit up, you can cook food and burn shit with it. I mean, what more could you ask for?
Fire is so cool they have based superheroes/villains around it. Even fire Pokemon were cool.
Well, they were cool-looking anyway.
But not very useful.
I'm talking first generation. The good stuff.
Oh, what? Like you didn't play Pokemon when it first came out?
Don't judge.
But fire is more than a force of destruction- although that's all it really needs to be awesome.
So the story goes, knowledge and tools/technology came about when cavemen stumbled across fire and used it. I much prefer the story of the ridiculously-named Prometheus, the god who supplied man with fire and thus knowledge. As punishment, Zeus bound him to a mountain where buzzards ate his liver by day and he healed by night- only to be eaten again the next day. Forever. All because of fire.
That's pretty fucking cool, right?
And, having fire, how long do you think it took us to figure out we could kill each other with it?
Almost immediately! Remember the beginning of Gladiator?
Bitching.
On a related note, fire can sometimes lead to explosions. And it goes without saying that explosions are awesome (although I probably will tell you they are awesome at a later time, ANYWAY).
So, I think now comes the part where I tell you that I am not a pyromaniac nor do I encourage anyone else to burn/blow up anything.
But some part of me has always wanted to see, say, a car, blow up.
Does that make me a bad person?
WHO CARES! It's so awesome!
NOT AWESOME: Michael Jackson
Just checking:
Michael Jackson is still dead, right?
Did anybody tell TV Guide? Or E!?
I have heard more about Michael Jackson since his death in July or August or whenever the hell it was than I have in the ten years prior to his death.
He hasn't made any good music in that span either.
And yet, the publicity on his death is ridiculous! Reports going on about his last recorded concert, this reporter got the last picture of Michael's face, blah blah bleh.
Who the fuck cares? He's dead. And his career was dead long before he was.
So again, I ask:
What's with the publicity?
Do you know how many of his children he'd have to dangle out of windows to generate this kind of round of the clock coverage on TV Guide?
The occasional trip down memory lane with the Jackson Five in the late 70s is actually pretty cool.
But ever since then, he's been over-saturated in the media.
The same sort of thing is going on with Madonna. I guarentee the biggest Madonna news story we're going to have in the next x years is her death. She's been irrelevant in popular music for years, but we'll "mourn" her like the nation mourned when JFK was assassinated. For no fucking reason, of course.
And it's not Michael Jackson was a good person. He did many, many questionable things, most of which were probably illegal, all of which were immoral. But I guess all that goes away after you die.
If only O.J. Simpson made pop music, then we could mourn his death, too.
No? Analogy not working for you?
Well, where do you draw the line? What wrongful acts can you do but still be remembered in the media like you were a saint, or a diplomatic figure focused on world peace, or some shit like that?
More importantly, regardless of MJ's cultural and societal impact,
he'd been dead for months!
STOP IT!
HE AIN'T COMING BACK.
I don't care about his estate, his family, his potential murder, none of that.
Leave that shit to his family and lawyers.
As for the rest of us, let's get on with our lives.
And for fuck's sake, TV GUIDE, I just want to see what's on!
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