Awesome/Not Awesome (10-26-09)

First real post on Blogspot!

I'm so excited! It's going to be great!..... to have my number of readers decrease dramatically. We'll see how this works out.

AWESOME: Deadliest Warrior

God, I miss this show. I'm pretty sure it's been renewed for a second season, but if not, then you have missed something great. From the masterminds at Spike, Deadliest Warrior, is (ironically) about a bunch of friends sitting around drinking.

No?

Joke not doing it for you?

Well, fine, fuck ya then.

Deadliest Warrior is unsurprisingly about deadly warriors- but it's more than that. Each week they pit two groups of famous fighters against each other in a fierce melee for honor and supremacy. To determine the victor, each group gets five weapons varying in usage, effectiveness, and power. Examining the weapons against each other, minor victories are won for weapons' advantages. But how to test these weapons?

How about bringing in experts in the weapons, and the warriors who used them, in all their destructive glory?

FUCK YES.

I don't care what they use- swords, axes, spears, bombs, guns,..... cynical comments, I don't care- because it's so fucking awesome. The weapons are used with perfection, bringing the absolute height of destruction into the fray on unsuspecting dummies, animal carcasses, etc.

There has only been a few episodes, and all of them are pretty damn entertaining- but I think my favorite has to be the Mafia vs. the Yakuza- the Japanese equivalent of the mob. This has got it all- baseball bats, guns of all sorts, Molotov cocktails, martial arts weapons.

The only way it could get better is if Woody Harrelson showed up!

The Mafia and the Yakuza then meet for one hell of a simulated showdown- which is by far the best part of any episode.

Most of the time, the typical warriors in each episode would never meet- so when they DO encounter each other, it's awkwardly, randomly, awesome...! They just fight, and aim to kill each other! No fucking reason!

In the aforementioned episode, the Mafia and Yakuza happen to stumble into a hotel...


.... and ALL FUCKING HELL BREAKS LOSE!

And while I don't agree with the result, I will agree with this statement:

Deadliest Warrior is awesome.

Here's to a second season- I hope!


NOT AWESOME: Tip Calculators

I like tips.

I like calculators.

But why is the holy fuckicity do tip calculators exist?

How hard is it to figure out what you want to tip?

First of all, if you're that bad at math or lazy to calculate the tip, you can guess 15% to a reasonable error.

Say, your bill is..... $8.62. Well, most people don't have a lot of change on them (because of the TAPLAP dishes!), so you gotta to round to the nearest $0.50.

Well, $1 is about an eight (12.5%), $2 is a fourth (25%). So give your server $1.50. It's going to be over 15%, but let's not be cheap, asshole.

Say you're a little bit better than that. You can't just guess at the tip- you don't got whole lots of moneys.... better be a bit more precise. Round a bit- your $8.62 is about $8.50, right?

Take 10% of $8.50=.85 c (you just move the Goddamn decimal place, peoples!)
Round again. It's about .90. Take half of that- .45.

Add.

.90 + .45= $1.35.

Now, was that all that bad, huh?

C'mon, stop being a douche.

To get the exact answer, take 10% of the bill, then half of the 10%, and add them. That's it.

THAT'S IT. It's not THAT difficult.

$8.62---> 10% = .862 + .431 = 1.293, or $1.29.


Now, I know that I'm slightly more mathematically inclined than some of youse guys....


So, I'm here to tell you, it's okay.

It's okay. You don't have to be good at math.

We're all different, children.


BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE A SPECIFIC PROGRAM IN YOUR CELL PHONE TO SPELL OUT TO THE LAST GODDAMN DETAIL HOW TO TIP!

At the very least, use a regular fucking calculator or something! Don't give me any of this "but the tip calculator is convenient" bullshit.

At least the regular calculator preserves a little bit of the process of math-I mean, you have to have SOME understanding of percentages to find your answer.

But with a tip calculator, what's the hardest thing you have to do?

Figure out the tip % and how many people are contributing to the tip. Two numbers.

BULL-FUCKING-SHIT.

Nobody knows how to do fucking anything anymore. We're so damn reliant on our own electronics it's disgusting.

I mean, God forbid our cell phones are used for making calls instead of calculating your tip.

Why are we so dependent on our electronics? I don't know. And tip calculators are one of the most awful examples. And these examples are everywhere....

Like, why can't people just tell each other how they feel about shit?

No, they have to go online and write about it on their shitty blogs. Well, fuck that shit!