So I'll get this out of the way now. I don't want no panicking.
Tomorrow's Awesome/Not Awesome will be a very special one, where I will compile the Most Awesome.... somethings.
As a result, this post may be a bit longer, and thus might not be up in time. But don't worry it will posted by Saturday.
And this is your daily reminder that Awesome/Not Awesome will be moving to www.awesomestarck.blogspot
Alright, enough of that.
AWESOME: Cartoon Pockets
What the hell do I mean by cartoon pockets?
You ever watch the old Looney Tunes where Bugs Bunny or somebody takes a mallet three times his size out of his pocket?
Yeah- I want that.
Sometimes, instead of one large item, they take out like 50 smaller things. That would be insanely useful! Backpacks would become obsolete, my car would look a hell of a lot cleaner, and best of all I would always have everything I could possibly ever need with me at all times.
Ah- life is good.
The other awesome part of cartoon pockets is that they apparently have some weight-altering capabilities.
Do you know how heavy a big fucking mallet is?
Pretty heavy! But the weight is only evident in cartoon-land once the object is exiting or has exited the pocket. Check it out-
Bugs reaches into his pocket (never mind that he appears to be reaching into his fur) and one of two things will happen:
a) He flings it effortlessly out of his pocket in one fell swoop, and then struggles to use it.
b) He struggles to take it out of his pocket, and then struggles to use it.
But the point remains, before it was completely out of his pocket, he was walking around and moving like the mallet wasn't even in his pocket. He was not hindered in any way by its volume or weight.
This kind of pocket would solve most of the world's problems. For example, the energy crisis.
Gone. Instead of truckers, we have marathoners wear pants with shitloads of cartoon pockets run from place to place. Then we have muscular warehouse/dock unloaders guys remove the contents of the cartoon pockets. Sure, it may take longer for the cargo to get places, but it would cost a hell of a lot less!
Alright, so we've had cartoon pockets for a while now. When can we expect to see them in real life? Get cracking, physicists.
And once we've got that, it shouldn't be too hard to just reach behind our backs and have that mallet simply materialize. Now THAT would be awesome.
NOT AWESOME: Male Enhancement
I know I usually explain what the topic is, but I'm not going to get into this one. You know damn well what it is, although I'm sorry you do.
My problem isn't really male enhancement itself, but like Michael Jackson, it's brought up all the time on TV. One commercial in particular really grinds my shit. Some of you may have heard me complain about this before.
It's a shot of a gym- treadmills and the like. Then this maybe mid-50s guy walks into the frame and exclaims:
"MALE ENHANCEMENT!"
Whoa!
When does that happen in regular conversation? Nice transition, asshole.
What if I walked into some situation, say.... a hospital ER. And then just yelled whatever was on my mind... how about...
"FOOD!"
Everyone would look at me like I'm nuts.
What's wrong with saying hi before you start talking about your problem? It would make you look a lot less creepy, considering your subject matter.
Although, maybe this guy is doing us a favor by telling us his intentions immediately- then we can change the channel as quickly as possible, avoiding his "unique" topic.
But the creepiest, most off-putting part of the commercial is right after his pronunciation.
"I've seen hundreds- no- thousands of these commercials for..."
How much TV do you watch buddy? I mean, I've seen this commercial maybe 15 times over the course of 6 months.
Not even close to 100 times.
So how many hours of TV do you have to watch to see male enhancement commercials 1000 TIMES?!
Maybe that's why you got problems. Too much sitting down, wasting away.... led to something else sitting down, wasting away.
How ironic this commercial is a gym, considering how much fucking TV you watch, creepy old man.
These commercials are painful enough, we don't need you making them even more awkward.
So, go fuck yourself, old ME guy!
Oh wait... the ME. Right.
Then uhhh.... stop being so Goddamn weird!
It's not awesome!
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