Awesome/Not Awesome (8-4-10)

WHEN THE HELL DID THEY GET RID OF THE PINBALL GAME? I THOUGHT THAT CAME STANDARD WITH MINESWEEPER AND SOLITAIRE? FUCK!

AWESOME: Mailboxes

That’s right. Mailboxes!

Why?

They’re…. cool.

The way I see it, mailboxes are good for one thing and one thing only:

1) They’re really fun to destroy.

Oh, that, and getting and sending mail is also good.

Now before I go any further, I AM NOT TELLING ANYONE TO DO ANYTHING TO MAILBOXES ANYWHERE.

But I am saying that the one time like ten years ago when my neighbors and I stuck a whole bunch of fireworks into his mailbox- was AWESOME.

There’s something about mailboxes…. Like, why does the idea of destroying them hold so much appeal?

How many television shows have shown its characters taking a baseball bat to mailboxes from the passenger seat while another guy drives?

A shitload! That’s how many!

In addition, mailboxes are kinda like cars in that you really know a lot about people from them. Seriously, mailboxes come in such a variety of styles, colors…. Shapes? (maybe?), it’s just fucking cool.

I want three or four mailboxes. Really personalized. Like maybe….

1) The DeLorean time machine. Parallel to the road, you open the door (which swings upward of course) and put the mail in. So simple, a caveman could do it. Oh, and if you need to send mail, just bring the hook out- which obviously connects directly the flux capacitor. However, it might also send your mail back to 1955.

2) Buffalo Bills logo mailbox. Unfortunately it only receives mail about 5 out of every 16 business days since 2000. Trying to send mail? Forget it.

3) A circular container simply saying “semen” on the lid attached to a pole. Rain nor sleet nor dead of night- how about jizz?

Now that would be awesome.


NOT AWESOME: “kthanksbye” and similar horseshit

Everybody knows what I’m talking about. According to an official study I just made up, approximately 70% of females use “kthanks” or “kthnx” regularly when on facebook or another social networking site, and 163% of females have used it at least once.

Here’s the problem. It’s not cute. It’s just annoying.

Well, maybe that’s a little harsh. It was probably cute at some point. But it quickly morphed into the “That’s what she said” of the internet; once everybody started doing it, it lost almost all of its appeal.

Thankfully however, “kthnxbye” seems to be contained to the female side of the human race. Guys (to my knowledge) only use it ironically.

Anyways, the point of this ridiculous sign-off seems to be… only to be cute. Fair enough, but…. If the point of what you’re saying is to be cute, say complimenting another girl on her appearance, shouldn’t your compliment ALREADY be cute? Why do you need to spice it up?

It’s like when angry fucking people randomly insert profanity into their Goddamn rants!

If you need to use “kthnxbye”, then I can only conclude that you are probably not cute yourself, not creative, or likeliest of all, had nothing original to say anyway.

AND BY THE WAY,

Who says goodbye anyway on facebook?! This isn’t a conversation like in real life where people naturally have to go their separate ways and say bye. People have conversations that can extend indefinitely, no need for goodbye.

It’s just fucking stupid!

Although by far the worst instance is when IT DOESN’T APPLY. I’ve seen people put it BEFORE they stop typing. Like…

“Hello. You’re a big sack of shit. Kthanksbye. Fuck you.”

Obviously that’s not what they actually said. Although the more I read that, the more I want to say it. Cause that’s pretty awesome.