Awesome/Not Awesome (8-18-10)

Sorry I’m so late today. I just got done vomiting from picking up 25 dead birds this afternoon.

I wish I was joking.

Actually, I am joking.

About the vomiting part.

AWESOME: The Little League World Series

There’s a common argument against the NFL and the NBA: the players are only in it for the money anymore. Nobody cares about the game, they just want to make their bank. The argument could be made that the NHL is headed in that direction too (see the recently voided Kovalchuk deal).

So sports enthusiasts say college sports will forever be better than professional sports. The players are in it for the joy of the game, and most of them are.

You know, all the players not named Reggie Bush.

Most of those players in the major sports will not play professionally, and there are thousands more whose sports are so under the radar that even if they do play professionally, there’s no way it’s for the money.

So if you like shit like that, then WHY THE HELL AREN’T YOU WATCHING THE LITTLE LEAGUE WORLD SERIES?

I friggin love this shit. The best baseball and softball teams in the world 12 or 13 and under. What’s not to love? For most of these kids this is going to be the biggest games of their lives and I fucking love watching them enjoy the spotlight on national TV.

I get more excited for the LLWS than I do the World Cup (although this year was close). While I think it’s kinda not fair that a U.S. team is guaranteed to play in the title game, you gotta love it.

On the other hand, whatever, we invented the LLWS, so fuck you, rest of the world.

Occasionally you’ll find a player on one of the LL teams that will grow up to play in the MLB. So friggin cool.

Or you find a kid that’s like a fucking freak of nature (who isn’t actually 16).

Two years in a row an African team made the LLWS, one of their players was about 6’8”, about 250.

Fucking hilarious to watch this kid use a bat the size of his forearm (they have rules about bat lengths) but man this kid was fun to watch. If he connected, look out, it might go back to Africa.

Anyways, if you’ve never watched the LLWS, you really should. You wanna watch the purest form of sports around? No money, no individuals, just 16 teams from around the world trying to become immortal.

And maybe that’s as far as baseball goes for them.

But still, that’s pretty fucking awesome.

NOT AWESOME: Razors

Shaving sucks. But that’s a different topic.

Razors, now they fucking suck.

It’s so easy to cut yourself, and it seems like every time I need to look really clean, that’s when I cut myself.

And it’s never really a minor thing either. It’s like…. You know, a really fucking formal dinner or something, and I go to shave and I have a fucking three inch long cut bleeding across my neck for five hours.

I have all these bloody paper towels, my white button-down shirt is ruined, I have to apply pressure for like 20 minutes.

It’s a Goddamn nightmare!

But the worst part is the commercials that promote newer, better razors, that have even MORE blades, so that if I slip while shaving I will most certainly cut my jugular and bleed out in a matter of seconds.

How many fuckin blades do you need?

I say 2 is the limit. If you miss something with one blade, maybe the other will catch it, and if you cut yourself you’ll probably live.

I’ve seen razors with SIX blades. How bad do you have to be at shaving to need SIX blades?

But the single worst thing I’ve seen in the past couple months is the new Schick commercials, where some dude is shaving in a bathroom and a whole TV crew comes crashing through the door and some guy yells “WHOOOO! SCHICK!” or some kinda bullshit like that.

If I’m shaving in a public place and 25 people come flying in the door behind me yelling, I’m dead.

Not even close. I could be shaving with a piece of string and I’d be going to meet the big guy in the Sky, who I understand is not very familiar or good with razors either.

So, since I’d rather not die, I’ll take a shitty plastic single or double blade razor anyday.

My jugular is very sensitive- don’t judge me, assholes. That’s not awesome.

By the way, do you think men with Parkinson’s shave themselves? I feel like that’s pretty damn risky….