Awesome/Not Awesome (8-3-10)

I’m really disappointed. It’s already August, and I still haven’t seen Tremors yet this summer?

Psh. What’s the point of the summer months if I got no Tremors? Answer: There is none.

AWESOME: Education Connection

The other night I saw a commercial. An everyday occurrence to be sure. But this commercial, this was different.

I was amazed by the green screen effects only slightly better than my local meteorologist. There was the girl, it looked like at one point on roller skates, with mustard and ketchup containers running around, and then she starts this really weird ….rap-esque diddy about how she wants money.

In case you’re deaf, occasionally the words she’s singing/rapping/saying…. I don’t know flash on screen! That’s how you know they’re really important.

It’s like if I wanted to accentuate the word fuck in the sentence “fuck you”, I’d have a little ear icon right above it that, if clicked would be a recording of some guy yelling fuck. You know, subtle.

But anyways, yeah, I need money, I only have a high school degree (actually this part is probably akin to most rappers), so she goes online to Education Connection to find the right college!

For her!

Yeah…. That’s how I find the most legit places to go to college…. Through a third-party source that only advertises during [adult swim].

And that’s pretty much the entire commercial. Some scrawny white girl rapping to me (and not current rap, like late 80s-early 90s, Ton-Luc should be doing this commercial rap) in an attempt to get me to visit a website to get to college.

Did I mention I’m watching a television show starring anthropomorphic fast food items?

What the FUCK makes you think that if I’m not already in college, that I’m even thinking about it?

Shit, Girls Gone Wild runs its ads during these times and I don’t know of anyone, ever, who’s bought anything related to Girls Gone Wild.

That’s naked chicks, catering to the stupid adult cartoon crowd, not selling anything.

What makes you think you’re going to sell college?!

Now, as some of you may recall, this is the awesome part of the entry. So why is it awesome?

To put it simply, it takes serious dedication to fuck up this badly on a commercial. You have to get a group of people together, firmly deciding not to think at all about logistics, demographics, or pop culture phenomena of the past 20 years to make something this awful.

That I can respect!

The commercial looks like it was made before most people even knew what the internet was!

For not getting a single damn thing right and making me laugh through the entire minute long shit-mercial, Education Connection- you’re awesome.


NOT AWESOME: Michael Cera

We get it. You’re the nerdy white teenager.

Now please, for the love of God, DO SOMETHING ELSE.

I don’t care what it is! I’m so sick and tired of seeing Michael Cera play the same role that I literally become enraged when I see trailers with him in it.

Please Michael, I want to see you do other things! Please!

For the record- I think he’s a good actor! I liked him in Superbad (when his being the nerdy white guy had not yet become cliché) and even saw him on “Tim and Eric”, and I’ve wanted to see other movies he’s been in (Juno, for one).

But I just can’t fucking take it anymore! I’m so pissed off! Because I think the visuals, the story, and the other actors that are in “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World” make it look like a really kickass movie. (Note: Not “Kickass” movie- that was something else)

But no! Michael Cera just HAS to play the nerdy white teenager-guy! Now I can’t go see the movie! What a shitload of fuck…

Oh, and for the record, he’s 22.

Not that I have a problem with older actors playing teenagers- Alan Ruck as Cameron in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is perhaps my favorite character/performance of all time, and Ruck was 28 when he played the 18-year-old Cameron.

But Ruck didn’t make a living playing ONLY teenage characters his whole fucking life.

You know who this reminds me of?

Anthony Michael Hall. You know him, the nerdy white teenager guy from Sixteen Candles, the Breakfast Club, Weird Science. Yeah. A generation down the line and we have Michael Cera.

OH WAIT.

NO IT DOESN’T.

ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL FUCKING TURNED DOWN GEEK ROLES SO AS NOT TO GET TYPECAST HIS WHOLE LIFE.

Good for you, man. See, the Dead Zone lasted a couple of years. Awesome.

So Micheal Cera, if you’re reading this (and I know you are- don’t lie), do something else. Grow a pair, or at least make the pair you’ve got drop. Cause deep down, I wanna like you, but right now, you’re not awesome.

Oh, and Michael… while you’re reading this, I’m very interested in playing the nerdy white guy’s friend in whatever projects you’ve got coming up.