Awesome/Not Awesome (8-19-10)

If I worked for a new station as an anchor, I’d be really tempted every time the weather guy started his little friendly banter with me to go, “Listen we pay you to do the weather, I don’t give a shit about what you’re planning for the weekend. We’re not friends asshole, we work together.”

AWESOME: Loaded Questions

There’s nothing as satisfying as making other people look like idiots.
And there’s really nothing as satisfying as proving their idiots by their inability to navigate out of a loaded question.

They’re fucking great!

Loaded questions have a long and storied history. Almost none of which I know about.
But what I do know is one of the greatest presidents of all-time, a gentleman by the name of Mr. Senor Abraham Lincoln, used one during the Lincoln-Douglass debates, which his opponent fell for. This would later lead to Lincoln getting his name on the map as “that tall goofy-looking dude who’s got some serious balls to do that during a debate” (actual quote by spectator).

This is of course why several years later Abraham Lincoln become president, while actor Michael Douglas did not (he was in his 20s back then).

But ANYWAY, loaded questions allow a person to ask another person a question, which, if he answers in a typical yes/no fashion, will make him admit to something about himself.

You know, usually that he’s a fucking moron.

I’ll give you an example, here we go:

“Don’t you even care about the amount of bullshit that you spew outta your face?”

Or how about

“Aren’t you ashamed about your mother’s rampant prostitution?”

Now, loaded questi-



NOT AWESOME: Stations that cut off the parts of songs

Perhaps you’re wondering what happened to the rest of the Awesome above. Well, that’s what I was wondering when Free Bird was on the radio today, and when the guitar solo to end all guitar solos started, the station said “You’re listening to 10x the Shiteater!” and went to a commercial.

WHAT?!

No, no, no, no, no. Don’t do this to me.

It’s right in the lyrics- “and this bird you cannot chain.”

That means YOU CAN’T FUCKING CUT OFF THE PART OF THE SONG THAT MADE THIS A CLASSIC.

It’s an 8 minute song, so I don’t want to hear 3 minutes of it. I want the full 8 minutes!

Truly, this is a tragedy. This is classic fucking rock we’re talking about here!

But at least they only cut out music. I mean I think it’d be even weirder if they started the song after the lyrics were over, and we only had the solo. That’d be even more upsetting to me anyway. So if I can only get part of the song… I think I’d rather the lyrics.

So, yeah, not hearing all of the song sucks, but you know, all the lyrics are there!

And I don’t think there are other epic songs out there that get cut for no-

OH MY GOD AMERICAN PIE! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I cannot believe that they could fucking edit American Pie! I wouldn’t even know WHERE to edit American Pie! It’s not like Free Bird- the whole fucking thing is full of the best fucking lyrics ever written, and they’re never a break in them long enough to do a clean edit.

And there’s no excuse- EVER- for cutting American Pie. In my America, it’s illegal to do so.

In fact, those of you who know me well know that when American Pie is on the radio, I REFUSE TO LEAVE MY CAR UNTIL THE SONG IS OVER.

I have been late to job interviews as a result. But it’s worth it. Every time.

So if I’m willing to be potentially unemployed as a result of this song, the least you can do is play all of it!

So when American Pie got cut…… I had a few choices.

1) Simply get out of the car.
2) Wait until the song WOULD have been over, then get out of the car.
3) Wait until the song comes on AGAIN on another station, listen to it in its entirety, and then get out of the car.

I really wanted to do 3, but… it could prove lengthy. So, instead I sang the song to myself while weeping like a little bitch until the song would have been over.

But that’s what Don McLean does to me.

The day that music died.

Tragic.

And it dies again every time a long song is cut on the radio. So not awesome.