Special Not Awesome (3-23-10)

Today was a bad day.

I know it's only 12:30, but here me out.

Obama passed the health care bill.

Now I'm not upset by this in it of itself. I think it's a good idea of theory- in practice, we'll see.

But the problem is, a special news report was aired covering the historic event. Which leads me to a very special not awesome.


NOT AWESOME: Shit that Interrupts "The Price is Right"

Why does all this crap have to happen during one of my favorite shows- the ONLY show I ever watch during the day time.

I mean, I like Ellen a lot, but if I had to choose between TPIR and Ellen, TPIR is going to win every time.

So how fucking unlucky do I have to be for this to be consistently interrupted by other events, knocking it off the air?

I mean what the hell!

WHY DOES "IMPORTANT" SHIT ONLY HAPPEN DURING THE ELEVEN A.M. HOUR?!

As I previously mentioned, today Obama signed the health care bill. Like it or not, this is a newsworthy event. I'm man enough to admit that.

But Goddamn! It wasn't the fucking State of the Union address!

I don't know who was in attendence during the press conference, but DID EVERYONE HAVE TO APPLAUD AFTER EVERY OTHER WORD JOE BIDEN OR BARACK OBAMA SAID?

I imagine halfway through Obama could have said something like this:

"I"

APPLAUSE!

"took a"

APPLAUSE!

"two-flush"

APPLAUSE!

"mega-shit earlier."

APPLUASE!

"Buffalo wings."

UPROARIOUS APPLUASE!

All this applause wastes time! Appluase is not newsworthy! I don't care whether the people in the room support the bill!

I COULD BE MISSING FUCKING PLINKO! LET'S MOVE THIS SHIT ALONG!

But, at least this was the President of the United States of American getting between me and my beloved game show. I mean, he's not just anybody. This was real honest to God news- something I hadn't really seen in a while.

NOT LIKE THE LAST FUCKING TIME TPIR GOT DICKED OVER.

Tiger Woods- maybe a lot of people have forgiven you- but not this guy! You are now on a my shitlist. And that's a hard list to get off, fuckwad.

It was a Friday morning- looking to start off the weekend right. Get my Price is Right on. BUT WAIT!


Tiger Woods is breaking his silence!

QUICK!

Get this man a podium and the national news!

Let's let him speak to us about shit that doesn't concern us in the slightest for fifteen minutes!

He's a celebrity!

Oooohhh, ahhhh.

WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT?!

I don't care who Tiger Woods boned OR how often his wife beat him, it's not as good as watching the little hiker guy fall off the cliff in "Cliffhanger".

The following is a list of things it's okay to interrupt the Price is Right for:

1) National Security Issue!

2) Osama was captured!

3) Aliens discovered/invading!

4) Horrific Amusement Park Accident!

5) Breaking News: Sean Connery dies!

6) Assassination!

7) Kurt Cobain discovered living with Osama!

8) Kurt Cobain discovered living with aliens!

9) Kurt Cobain discovered living!

10) Breaking news: Elvis, Kurt Cobain, Sean Connery actually same person!

11) Fabio hit in the face by another goose!


Yep, that's pretty much it. Those are things it would be okay to stop airing of TPIR.

You know what's not on the list?

TIGER FUCKING WOODS, AND THE GODDAMN HEALTH CARE BILL!

It's not that I don't care about these things-

Well, it's not that I don't care about the health care bill-

But can't it at least wait until 12?

Cause you know what's on at 12?

Infomercials.

That's right, infomercials.

So let me ask you this, Internets:

If we can't trust the government and major news outlets to eliminate infomercials and ensure that we get our Price is Right, then what the fuck can we trust them with?

What the fuck are they good for?

Absolutely nothing!

Not awesome. For sure.