Awesome/Not Awesome (2-24-10)

Gotta make this quick. USA vs. Switzerland at 3:00 in Men's Hockey. Goddamn Swiss. We're gonna make Jonas Hiller look like Swiss cheese! Cause you know we'll be scoring goals through the holes he gives us and there's holes in Swiss cheese and...

Fuck you.

AWESOME: LED TVs

Something remarkable happened the other day. I plugged my N64 into my family's new LED TV and for the first time since 1996, I was blown away by the graphics of a 64 bit system.

I don't know how this works, but the definition on this TV makes everything so much clearer and sharper I think my sight might actually improve while I'm watching TV!

This has some pretty funny effects.

For starters, I can't take the Geico commercials as seriously (not that they were very serious to begin with). You know the ones with that spokesman who comes out and says, "Could switching to Geico really save you 15% or more on car insurance?"

Yeah. Can no longer watch it.

The clarity makes the commercial look so important and impressive that it boggles the mind. I get confused and scared by High Def Geico! I think this man might actually be serious!

Luckily, I'm not at that point where I can't watch "regular" TV. And I hope I never get there. I hate those snooty-ass fucks that are always going, "Yeah, I got Sirius and I can't do F.M. radio anymore."

Fuck you!

Without F.M. there would be no satelite!

So coming full circle, let's not forget what got us here. LED TV is awesome and if TV gets any clearer then we'll never have to look at anything else again. But standard TV still works just fine. Just like my N64. It just works better in pixels.

Man, I bet the Wii looks fucking nuts.

But I wonder- will it really be awesome?

Does Charlie Daniels play a mean fiddle?


NOT AWESOME: Alice in Wonderland

Before you crucify me, hear me out.

I like Alice in Wonderland- it's a classic story which everyone can appreciate. Futher, the upcoming movie is visually stunning and a large part of me wants to see this movie. It's the first movie in a while that feels like an "event" to me.

(Note: Twilight doesn't interest me, so the next closest event would be the 4th Indiana Jones. Although that would have been more epic if it came out 10 years earlier. But I digress)

Anyways, if I'm interested in this movie, why is it in Not Awesome?

Three reasons:

3) Tim Burton

2) Johnny Depp

1) People who have such a hard-on for them that they've got to shove their greatness down my throat.

And really, #1 is the only real problem. Tim Burton and Johnny Depp, to me, are both very creative and talented, but just because I'm not bending over backwards for everything they do doesn't mean I'm intellectually or creatively inferior to anyone who does.

Tim Burton and Johnny Depp seem to be continually selling the same product, but at least it's a good product. Most of their movies are at least decent, if not outright good or great.

Not like that fuck Ben Stiller.

But anyways, I get pissed off when people insist something is going to be great just because their names are on it. The trailer for the movie looks great, but right now, it's just a trailer. Let's hold off on this orgy until you see the movie.

So leave this bullshit out. If I want to see the movie, I will. You don't need to convince me. But if I don't go the day it comes out and I'm not bouncing off the wall for it, don't fucking judge me.

If I do see it and I think it's just okay, that doesn't mean I'm mentally ill.\

But this sort of fandom and judgment is just the kind of shit that turns me off to the movie itself, for no reason other than some of the fans are fucking obnoxious. So, sorry Tim and Johnny, the weight of everyone's expectations and the hype associated with Wonderland has collasped in on itself. This movie is never going to be accurately assessed- there's just too much fucking build-up associated with it.

So, no. I don't plan on seeing Alice in Wonderland when it comes out. Or even during its theatrical run.

Maybe I'll see it a few years when this cult formed around it has dissipated. Or gained some validity.

Whatever the case- right now, Alice in Wonderland is not awesome.

Don't try to change my mind. If that's going to happen I'll do it on my own.

In a few years.