I recommend that you listen to ALL the songs on this list- just so you know where I’m coming from.
Now, before we get started, let me make the rules clear.
The popularity of the original or the cover does not affect the list.
The list is mostly determined by how much I like the songs. Once I got my ten songs down, they were insanely hard to order, and if I had to do it again, it would probably be different.
I love cover songs, and really- if you think I fucked up or had a “how could you leave that out?” problem, let me know. I’m open when it comes to shit like this.
Cause covers? They’re awesome.
10) “Take on Me” (a-ha) [Reel Big Fish]
I have always been a fan of a-ha, the Norwegian trio most known here in the United States for their 1985 #1 hit “Take on Me” (and its music video which was one of the most memorable of all time). Reel Big Fish tried their hand at the song in 1999 for Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s film BASEketball. Their most recognizable aspects of the cover are the substitution of the synthesizer for Reel Big Fish’s ska horn section, and RBF frontman Aaron Barrett’s inability to sing as high as a-ha’s Morten Harket. It is easily recognizable as a cover of the original, although the ska energy that RBF brings to it is just plain different than the New Wave energy. Often criticized for taking the love and emotion out of a classic, RBF’s cover of a-ha’s “Take on Me” sits at #10 for two reasons: staying true enough to the original while putting their mark on it, and it’s just a fun song. Plus, I fucking love ska.
9) “I Love Rock N’ Roll” (The Arrows) [Joan Jett and the Blackhearts]
I know what you’re thinking: This was a cover? The Arrows released the original in 1975, which was met with much…indifference, and to this day, I have not heard the Arrows version in its entirety. However, you’d be hard pressed to find someone who has not heard of Joan Jett’s kickass cover, which was a #1 hit for seven straight weeks back in 1982. This song made Joan Jett- her solo career soon followed, and she had several more hit songs. However, Joan Jett will always be remembered best by her famous “original” cover with the Blackhearts.
8) “Mony Mony” (Tommy James & the Shondells) [Billy Idol]
From one kickass icon to another, Billy Idol’s “Mony Mony” is at #8. Interestingly, both were extremely popular; the original was a top ten hit back in 1968 and the cover was a #1 hit almost 20 years later in 1987. Both songs still receive considerable airplay, although it is likely Billy Idol’s version has surpassed the original in popularity, bringing the next generation as well as the punk scene into “Mony Mony”. Tommy James & the Shondells had several other top ten songs as well as two number one songs. Many of Billy Idol’s songs continue to be played today, but “Mony Mony” seems to have the farthest reach into pop culture; it has been parodied by Weird Al Yankovic as well as sampled in the popular Youtube video, “The Evolution of Dance”. At #8, the only number one single for Billy Idol, his “Mony Mony”.
7) “Everybody Needs Somebody to Love” (Solomon Burke) [The Blues Brothers]
The Blues Brothers only performed covers, and entering the pop culture hall of fame like the Blues Brothers did, one of their songs had to appear in my top 10. It was really a toss-up between this and “Soul Man”, the 1967 Sam and Dave song most people would probably associate with the Blues Brothers. However, for me, this was the better cover, so here we go. Solomon Burke’s “Everybody Needs Somebody to Love” was a minor hit back in 1964. It should come to no surprise that Burke was a Philadelphia minister, just doing what he does best- singing about love and how it should be a part of our lives. The Blues Brothers covered it several times at concerts in the late 1970s, and the song also appeared in the Blues Brothers movie released in 1980. Jake Blues revealed his inner Burke to get the energy up, and Elwood’s insistence that we “signify our feelings with every simple caress” is something that stuck with me. Even if everyone else happens to be a “Soul Man”.
6) “Hurt” (Nine Inch Nails) [Johnny Cash]
If you’re looking for a song to cry to, look no further. “Hurt” is a song of desperation and loneliness, what you’ll find when pleasure evades you at every turn. Trent Reznor’s (of NIN) “Hurt” strips down the industrial rock sound that Nine Inch Nails is known for to crush your soul in a simple melody both haunting and beautiful at the same time. Despite never being released as a single from the 1994 album The Downward Spiral, the song gained considerable popularity. But most shocking was Johnny Cash’s 2002 cover. I didn’t know that someone could take such a crushing song and make it even more crushing in a completely different way. One of the last songs commercially released before Cash’s death, it seems to be a reflection on his entire life- the music video shows clips spanning his entire career- and it makes you wonder what the legend thought of his life shortly before it ended. His trademark voice, his frail body, the imagery of the video- when you put it all together, I actually find it difficult not to cry. Reznor said of Cash’s recording that “Hurt” was no longer his song. I don’t know if I’ll go that far, as both versions are awesome, but damn. Fucking intense. Be right back. I need a tissue.
5) “With a Little Help From My Friends” (The Beatles) [Joe Cocker]
“Billy Shears” (Ringo Starr) sings the original version from the band you may have heard of from this little album they had. You know, the Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, regarded by many to the best album of ALL TIME. If you haven’t heard this song, fuck you. Seriously. I don’t care if you like it, but everybody should have heard this song at least once in their life. Released in 1967, it wasn’t released as a single for the Beatles until much later, but that didn’t stop Joe Cocker from covering it at another little known musical event, something called….. let me get my notes here…. Woodstock. You’ve probably heard this version too (which went to #1 in 1968) and regained popularity in the late 80s as the theme song for “the Wonder Years”. It’s interesting to note the show’s first season took place in 1968, which I’m sure is no coincidence. Both versions of the song are musical achievements, and if you don’t know them then a) again fuck you and b) check it out.
4) “Mad World” (Tears for Fears) [Gary Jules]
Something about the depressing songs… I guess they just make for good cover songs. “Mad World” by my personal favorite band of the 1980s, Britain’s Tears for Fears, is the second track and first major hit for the band off their breakthrough album “The Hurting”. “Mad World” is sung from a teenager’s angry, confused eyes as he looks at the world around him and finds it an unappealing, scary, and chaotic place. When Gary Jules stripped down the 80s classic to a single piano in 2001, it gains the haunting effect and a whole new yet familiar depression. The song appeared in commercials for video games, and most famously was used in Donnie Darko (set in the 1980s). Coming in at #4, “Mad World” proves that 20 years later, we’re all intimidated by the world around us.
3) “Walk This Way” (Aerosmith) [Run D.M.C.]
First released in 1975, “Walk This Way” was a pretty good song at first glance. I’ll be the first to admit, I’m not a huge Aerosmith fan, but I do enjoy the song which tells about a boy losing his virginity. You know, original! Now, I feel like this song is kinda not really a cover, as both versions are so close, but ehhh deal with it. Fast forward to 1986 when Run D.M.C. who didn’t even know who Aerosmith was heard the song when they were freestyling over the Aerosmith album Toys in the Attic. The rest, as they say, is history, which only resulted in one of the biggest freaking deals in music history. The collaboration between Aerosmith and Run D.M.C. revitalized Aerosmith’s career which was steadily going downhill at that time, but more importantly, the song was hip-hop/rap’s first foray in the top 5, and showed people that hybrids like this could work. Liked Linkin Park and Jay-Z’s shit? Well you can thank this record. Major groups who still had many good years of music in them, “Walk This Way” was the crossroads of the century in music, and lands at #3 as a result.
2) “Twist and Shout” (The Top Notes) [The Beatles]
I bet you didn’t even fucking know this was a cover. The original 1961 recording….. kinda sucks actually. The Top Notes original recording sounds nothing like the version you’re probably thinking of right now. Honestly, the original actually sounds like nothing. There’s no real hook and it just sounds bland. A year later in 1962 the Isley Brothers covered the Top Notes' original, and it started taking the form that the Beatles would fucking own with in 1964. You’d think that would be enough for the song, which was a hit for the both the Isley Brothers and the Beatles in the 60s, but when the Beatles’ version appeared in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (a movie avid Awesome/Not Awesome readers know I fucking love) the song AGAIN took to the charts in the mid 80s. Oh, and to top it all off, another cover got the song to #1 in 1994! Damn! That’s a lot of action for one song! Too bad the original sucked ass! Cause it was a hit for everybody but the Top Notes apparently!
1) “Smooth Criminal” (Michael Jackson) [Alien Ant Farm]
Alright, so what do you get when take a kickass song from 1988 with a kickass synthesizer line about a kickass subject matter with a kickass music video with kickass vocals and cover it? Usually you get a steaming pile of shit. How the fuck are you going to top that?! I mean, c’mon the anti-gravity lean? Fucking classic. Say what you will about Michael Jackson (and I have- see 10/22/09 Not Awesome) but this song . . . Is the shit. About a girl named Annie who gets hit, or perhaps struck, by the “smooth criminal”, the song remains possibly my favorite MJ song. But 2001 rolls around, and Alien Ant Farm splashes onto the scene with a rock cover of Smooth Criminal which takes the original and somehow makes it even more fucking badass. Not everyone agrees with me here- in fact, a lot of people think AAF butchered the song, but not this guy. This cover gets me pumped the fuck up, and I’m ready to fight people like I’m listening to “Eye of the Tiger”! So Alien Ant Farm, congratulations! You have the most awesome cover song according to starckie’s wholly unknown Awesome/Not Awesome blog! I’m sure you guys will have a long and prosperous career with many more hits to come!
There you have it. I hope you enjoyed this list as much as I agonized over making it, you sadistic bastards. Here are just a few of the songs that didn’t make my cut- maybe they’ll make yours:
“Boys of Summer” (Don Henley) [The Ataris]
“Somebody’s Baby” (Jackson Brown) [Phantom Planet]
“Bizarre Love Triangle” (New Order) [Stabbing Westward]
“Come on Eileen” (Dexy’s Midnight Runners) [Save Ferris]
“Radio Ga Ga” (Queen) [Electric Six]
“Careless Whisper” (Wham!) [Seether]
There’s probably a whole fuck-ton of songs I missed that could completely change my list. But c’mon I’m only human. It’s not like I’m getting paid to do this shit.
See you on Monday for another installment of Awesome/Not Awesome!
Friday, August 6, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Awesome/Not Awesome (8-5-10)
So…. Which channels DON’T have Family Guy airing in syndication? Damn!
AWESOME: Donkey Kong Country Returns
It takes an awful lot to excite me about video games these days. As with most things, I’m ten years behind the times or quite simply I refuse to change.
I don’t own an ipod.
I do however, has a nice little collection of cassettes.
But anyways, video games these days I could give two shits about.
Another first person shooter?
About World War II?
Great.
The gameplay in all those games combined are probably longer than World War II!
However, when Nintendo announced at the annual E3 conference (which stands for …Electronic…3) that they were making a sequel to the Donkey Kong Country franchise, I shit my pants, had a stroke, had a minor heart attack, forgot my PIN number, was late for work, and came up with a convincing proof for the existence of God.
Strangely, I did NOT ejaculate.
But Donkey Kong Country and its sequels make up one of the best series of games in existence. The first game was… the very first game I EVER beat.
Awww… a nerd moment.
But then Donkey Kong Country 2 came out, and HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS AWESOME.
DKC2 is my favorite side-scroller of all time. I’ll probably write another awesome about that game in the future- it’s THAT good.
DKC3 wasn’t bad, but it didn’t do the same thing like 2 did for me (which is tough to do, so no biggie DKC3). But sadly, the Super Nintendo was on its way out by that time- DKC3 was the last game I bought new for the SNES.
And it was the end of an era. If I wanted to play a Donkey Kong Country game, it looked like I was just going to have replay the ones I had- which I did.
Several times over.
Donkey Kong 64 was a really good game, but not the same. I need some classic shit.
C’mon!
Flash forward to 2010…. With the success of the Wii’s virtual console, they are releasing new old school games.
Seriously? This isn’t a joke? DONKEY KONG COUNTRY RETURNS!
Oh my fuck, how long have I waited for this day…
Let’s see…. 1996….
Fourteen years. Two thirds of my life.
This game better be fucking good. I’m not going to wait until I’m 35 for another sequel.
Don’t let me down Nintendo! Make it awesome!
NOT AWESOME: Law and Order: LA
Okay, so SVU is Special Victims Unit, CI is Criminal Intent, TBJ is Trial by Jury, and LA is…..
Libel and Assault?
Oh, Los Angeles.
Los Angeles. That’s the best you can come up with.
Is crime THAT much different in LA than NYC that we need another Law and Order to cover it?
I mean with the other spin-offs they focus in specific crimes (SVU) or give a different perspective of the crime (CI, TBJ).
But murder… is murder. LA, NYC,…. Any TV with Jersey Shore on the screen….
But I guess it’s not all that bad. Two Law and Orders? I can get behind that. I love the series.
WHAT?! THE ORIGINAL SERIES WAS CANCELLED!
Oh, yeah I seem to remember crying uncontrollably about that back in May.
WHY GOD, WHY?!
Okay, let’s see here… the ratings weren’t great but still good enough for a 21st season… can’t see any reason why it would canceled…
OH, IT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE COMING OUT WITH GODDAMN LAW AND ORDER: LA!
YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT, GET RID OF THE STILL SUCCESSFUL SHOW WITH ESTABLISHED CHARACTERS THAT (BY THE WAY) IS ABOUT AS OLD AS ME TO START IT ALL OVER AGAIN IN A DIFFERENT CITY WITH DIFFERENT PEOPLE I CARE NOTHING ABOUT?!
That’s like if they rebooted the fucking Batman series, but instead of Gotham, they set in Charleston, South Carolina.
Eh, it could work, but… why? Why would you fuck with something that’s iconic and that works?
I think Law and Order and I think New York City. End of story.
And to top it all off:
You’re seriously asking me to buy into a new show that killed the original one?
Fuck you guys!
Law and Order! Come back! It’s really not awesome thinking of NBC without you.
I . . . love you.
AWESOME: Donkey Kong Country Returns
It takes an awful lot to excite me about video games these days. As with most things, I’m ten years behind the times or quite simply I refuse to change.
I don’t own an ipod.
I do however, has a nice little collection of cassettes.
But anyways, video games these days I could give two shits about.
Another first person shooter?
About World War II?
Great.
The gameplay in all those games combined are probably longer than World War II!
However, when Nintendo announced at the annual E3 conference (which stands for …Electronic…3) that they were making a sequel to the Donkey Kong Country franchise, I shit my pants, had a stroke, had a minor heart attack, forgot my PIN number, was late for work, and came up with a convincing proof for the existence of God.
Strangely, I did NOT ejaculate.
But Donkey Kong Country and its sequels make up one of the best series of games in existence. The first game was… the very first game I EVER beat.
Awww… a nerd moment.
But then Donkey Kong Country 2 came out, and HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS AWESOME.
DKC2 is my favorite side-scroller of all time. I’ll probably write another awesome about that game in the future- it’s THAT good.
DKC3 wasn’t bad, but it didn’t do the same thing like 2 did for me (which is tough to do, so no biggie DKC3). But sadly, the Super Nintendo was on its way out by that time- DKC3 was the last game I bought new for the SNES.
And it was the end of an era. If I wanted to play a Donkey Kong Country game, it looked like I was just going to have replay the ones I had- which I did.
Several times over.
Donkey Kong 64 was a really good game, but not the same. I need some classic shit.
C’mon!
Flash forward to 2010…. With the success of the Wii’s virtual console, they are releasing new old school games.
Seriously? This isn’t a joke? DONKEY KONG COUNTRY RETURNS!
Oh my fuck, how long have I waited for this day…
Let’s see…. 1996….
Fourteen years. Two thirds of my life.
This game better be fucking good. I’m not going to wait until I’m 35 for another sequel.
Don’t let me down Nintendo! Make it awesome!
NOT AWESOME: Law and Order: LA
Okay, so SVU is Special Victims Unit, CI is Criminal Intent, TBJ is Trial by Jury, and LA is…..
Libel and Assault?
Oh, Los Angeles.
Los Angeles. That’s the best you can come up with.
Is crime THAT much different in LA than NYC that we need another Law and Order to cover it?
I mean with the other spin-offs they focus in specific crimes (SVU) or give a different perspective of the crime (CI, TBJ).
But murder… is murder. LA, NYC,…. Any TV with Jersey Shore on the screen….
But I guess it’s not all that bad. Two Law and Orders? I can get behind that. I love the series.
WHAT?! THE ORIGINAL SERIES WAS CANCELLED!
Oh, yeah I seem to remember crying uncontrollably about that back in May.
WHY GOD, WHY?!
Okay, let’s see here… the ratings weren’t great but still good enough for a 21st season… can’t see any reason why it would canceled…
OH, IT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE COMING OUT WITH GODDAMN LAW AND ORDER: LA!
YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT, GET RID OF THE STILL SUCCESSFUL SHOW WITH ESTABLISHED CHARACTERS THAT (BY THE WAY) IS ABOUT AS OLD AS ME TO START IT ALL OVER AGAIN IN A DIFFERENT CITY WITH DIFFERENT PEOPLE I CARE NOTHING ABOUT?!
That’s like if they rebooted the fucking Batman series, but instead of Gotham, they set in Charleston, South Carolina.
Eh, it could work, but… why? Why would you fuck with something that’s iconic and that works?
I think Law and Order and I think New York City. End of story.
And to top it all off:
You’re seriously asking me to buy into a new show that killed the original one?
Fuck you guys!
Law and Order! Come back! It’s really not awesome thinking of NBC without you.
I . . . love you.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Awesome/Not Awesome (8-4-10)
WHEN THE HELL DID THEY GET RID OF THE PINBALL GAME? I THOUGHT THAT CAME STANDARD WITH MINESWEEPER AND SOLITAIRE? FUCK!
AWESOME: Mailboxes
That’s right. Mailboxes!
Why?
They’re…. cool.
The way I see it, mailboxes are good for one thing and one thing only:
1) They’re really fun to destroy.
Oh, that, and getting and sending mail is also good.
Now before I go any further, I AM NOT TELLING ANYONE TO DO ANYTHING TO MAILBOXES ANYWHERE.
But I am saying that the one time like ten years ago when my neighbors and I stuck a whole bunch of fireworks into his mailbox- was AWESOME.
There’s something about mailboxes…. Like, why does the idea of destroying them hold so much appeal?
How many television shows have shown its characters taking a baseball bat to mailboxes from the passenger seat while another guy drives?
A shitload! That’s how many!
In addition, mailboxes are kinda like cars in that you really know a lot about people from them. Seriously, mailboxes come in such a variety of styles, colors…. Shapes? (maybe?), it’s just fucking cool.
I want three or four mailboxes. Really personalized. Like maybe….
1) The DeLorean time machine. Parallel to the road, you open the door (which swings upward of course) and put the mail in. So simple, a caveman could do it. Oh, and if you need to send mail, just bring the hook out- which obviously connects directly the flux capacitor. However, it might also send your mail back to 1955.
2) Buffalo Bills logo mailbox. Unfortunately it only receives mail about 5 out of every 16 business days since 2000. Trying to send mail? Forget it.
3) A circular container simply saying “semen” on the lid attached to a pole. Rain nor sleet nor dead of night- how about jizz?
Now that would be awesome.
NOT AWESOME: “kthanksbye” and similar horseshit
Everybody knows what I’m talking about. According to an official study I just made up, approximately 70% of females use “kthanks” or “kthnx” regularly when on facebook or another social networking site, and 163% of females have used it at least once.
Here’s the problem. It’s not cute. It’s just annoying.
Well, maybe that’s a little harsh. It was probably cute at some point. But it quickly morphed into the “That’s what she said” of the internet; once everybody started doing it, it lost almost all of its appeal.
Thankfully however, “kthnxbye” seems to be contained to the female side of the human race. Guys (to my knowledge) only use it ironically.
Anyways, the point of this ridiculous sign-off seems to be… only to be cute. Fair enough, but…. If the point of what you’re saying is to be cute, say complimenting another girl on her appearance, shouldn’t your compliment ALREADY be cute? Why do you need to spice it up?
It’s like when angry fucking people randomly insert profanity into their Goddamn rants!
If you need to use “kthnxbye”, then I can only conclude that you are probably not cute yourself, not creative, or likeliest of all, had nothing original to say anyway.
AND BY THE WAY,
Who says goodbye anyway on facebook?! This isn’t a conversation like in real life where people naturally have to go their separate ways and say bye. People have conversations that can extend indefinitely, no need for goodbye.
It’s just fucking stupid!
Although by far the worst instance is when IT DOESN’T APPLY. I’ve seen people put it BEFORE they stop typing. Like…
“Hello. You’re a big sack of shit. Kthanksbye. Fuck you.”
Obviously that’s not what they actually said. Although the more I read that, the more I want to say it. Cause that’s pretty awesome.
AWESOME: Mailboxes
That’s right. Mailboxes!
Why?
They’re…. cool.
The way I see it, mailboxes are good for one thing and one thing only:
1) They’re really fun to destroy.
Oh, that, and getting and sending mail is also good.
Now before I go any further, I AM NOT TELLING ANYONE TO DO ANYTHING TO MAILBOXES ANYWHERE.
But I am saying that the one time like ten years ago when my neighbors and I stuck a whole bunch of fireworks into his mailbox- was AWESOME.
There’s something about mailboxes…. Like, why does the idea of destroying them hold so much appeal?
How many television shows have shown its characters taking a baseball bat to mailboxes from the passenger seat while another guy drives?
A shitload! That’s how many!
In addition, mailboxes are kinda like cars in that you really know a lot about people from them. Seriously, mailboxes come in such a variety of styles, colors…. Shapes? (maybe?), it’s just fucking cool.
I want three or four mailboxes. Really personalized. Like maybe….
1) The DeLorean time machine. Parallel to the road, you open the door (which swings upward of course) and put the mail in. So simple, a caveman could do it. Oh, and if you need to send mail, just bring the hook out- which obviously connects directly the flux capacitor. However, it might also send your mail back to 1955.
2) Buffalo Bills logo mailbox. Unfortunately it only receives mail about 5 out of every 16 business days since 2000. Trying to send mail? Forget it.
3) A circular container simply saying “semen” on the lid attached to a pole. Rain nor sleet nor dead of night- how about jizz?
Now that would be awesome.
NOT AWESOME: “kthanksbye” and similar horseshit
Everybody knows what I’m talking about. According to an official study I just made up, approximately 70% of females use “kthanks” or “kthnx” regularly when on facebook or another social networking site, and 163% of females have used it at least once.
Here’s the problem. It’s not cute. It’s just annoying.
Well, maybe that’s a little harsh. It was probably cute at some point. But it quickly morphed into the “That’s what she said” of the internet; once everybody started doing it, it lost almost all of its appeal.
Thankfully however, “kthnxbye” seems to be contained to the female side of the human race. Guys (to my knowledge) only use it ironically.
Anyways, the point of this ridiculous sign-off seems to be… only to be cute. Fair enough, but…. If the point of what you’re saying is to be cute, say complimenting another girl on her appearance, shouldn’t your compliment ALREADY be cute? Why do you need to spice it up?
It’s like when angry fucking people randomly insert profanity into their Goddamn rants!
If you need to use “kthnxbye”, then I can only conclude that you are probably not cute yourself, not creative, or likeliest of all, had nothing original to say anyway.
AND BY THE WAY,
Who says goodbye anyway on facebook?! This isn’t a conversation like in real life where people naturally have to go their separate ways and say bye. People have conversations that can extend indefinitely, no need for goodbye.
It’s just fucking stupid!
Although by far the worst instance is when IT DOESN’T APPLY. I’ve seen people put it BEFORE they stop typing. Like…
“Hello. You’re a big sack of shit. Kthanksbye. Fuck you.”
Obviously that’s not what they actually said. Although the more I read that, the more I want to say it. Cause that’s pretty awesome.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Awesome/Not Awesome (8-3-10)
I’m really disappointed. It’s already August, and I still haven’t seen Tremors yet this summer?
Psh. What’s the point of the summer months if I got no Tremors? Answer: There is none.
AWESOME: Education Connection
The other night I saw a commercial. An everyday occurrence to be sure. But this commercial, this was different.
I was amazed by the green screen effects only slightly better than my local meteorologist. There was the girl, it looked like at one point on roller skates, with mustard and ketchup containers running around, and then she starts this really weird ….rap-esque diddy about how she wants money.
In case you’re deaf, occasionally the words she’s singing/rapping/saying…. I don’t know flash on screen! That’s how you know they’re really important.
It’s like if I wanted to accentuate the word fuck in the sentence “fuck you”, I’d have a little ear icon right above it that, if clicked would be a recording of some guy yelling fuck. You know, subtle.
But anyways, yeah, I need money, I only have a high school degree (actually this part is probably akin to most rappers), so she goes online to Education Connection to find the right college!
For her!
Yeah…. That’s how I find the most legit places to go to college…. Through a third-party source that only advertises during [adult swim].
And that’s pretty much the entire commercial. Some scrawny white girl rapping to me (and not current rap, like late 80s-early 90s, Ton-Luc should be doing this commercial rap) in an attempt to get me to visit a website to get to college.
Did I mention I’m watching a television show starring anthropomorphic fast food items?
What the FUCK makes you think that if I’m not already in college, that I’m even thinking about it?
Shit, Girls Gone Wild runs its ads during these times and I don’t know of anyone, ever, who’s bought anything related to Girls Gone Wild.
That’s naked chicks, catering to the stupid adult cartoon crowd, not selling anything.
What makes you think you’re going to sell college?!
Now, as some of you may recall, this is the awesome part of the entry. So why is it awesome?
To put it simply, it takes serious dedication to fuck up this badly on a commercial. You have to get a group of people together, firmly deciding not to think at all about logistics, demographics, or pop culture phenomena of the past 20 years to make something this awful.
That I can respect!
The commercial looks like it was made before most people even knew what the internet was!
For not getting a single damn thing right and making me laugh through the entire minute long shit-mercial, Education Connection- you’re awesome.
NOT AWESOME: Michael Cera
We get it. You’re the nerdy white teenager.
Now please, for the love of God, DO SOMETHING ELSE.
I don’t care what it is! I’m so sick and tired of seeing Michael Cera play the same role that I literally become enraged when I see trailers with him in it.
Please Michael, I want to see you do other things! Please!
For the record- I think he’s a good actor! I liked him in Superbad (when his being the nerdy white guy had not yet become cliché) and even saw him on “Tim and Eric”, and I’ve wanted to see other movies he’s been in (Juno, for one).
But I just can’t fucking take it anymore! I’m so pissed off! Because I think the visuals, the story, and the other actors that are in “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World” make it look like a really kickass movie. (Note: Not “Kickass” movie- that was something else)
But no! Michael Cera just HAS to play the nerdy white teenager-guy! Now I can’t go see the movie! What a shitload of fuck…
Oh, and for the record, he’s 22.
Not that I have a problem with older actors playing teenagers- Alan Ruck as Cameron in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is perhaps my favorite character/performance of all time, and Ruck was 28 when he played the 18-year-old Cameron.
But Ruck didn’t make a living playing ONLY teenage characters his whole fucking life.
You know who this reminds me of?
Anthony Michael Hall. You know him, the nerdy white teenager guy from Sixteen Candles, the Breakfast Club, Weird Science. Yeah. A generation down the line and we have Michael Cera.
OH WAIT.
NO IT DOESN’T.
ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL FUCKING TURNED DOWN GEEK ROLES SO AS NOT TO GET TYPECAST HIS WHOLE LIFE.
Good for you, man. See, the Dead Zone lasted a couple of years. Awesome.
So Micheal Cera, if you’re reading this (and I know you are- don’t lie), do something else. Grow a pair, or at least make the pair you’ve got drop. Cause deep down, I wanna like you, but right now, you’re not awesome.
Oh, and Michael… while you’re reading this, I’m very interested in playing the nerdy white guy’s friend in whatever projects you’ve got coming up.
Psh. What’s the point of the summer months if I got no Tremors? Answer: There is none.
AWESOME: Education Connection
The other night I saw a commercial. An everyday occurrence to be sure. But this commercial, this was different.
I was amazed by the green screen effects only slightly better than my local meteorologist. There was the girl, it looked like at one point on roller skates, with mustard and ketchup containers running around, and then she starts this really weird ….rap-esque diddy about how she wants money.
In case you’re deaf, occasionally the words she’s singing/rapping/saying…. I don’t know flash on screen! That’s how you know they’re really important.
It’s like if I wanted to accentuate the word fuck in the sentence “fuck you”, I’d have a little ear icon right above it that, if clicked would be a recording of some guy yelling fuck. You know, subtle.
But anyways, yeah, I need money, I only have a high school degree (actually this part is probably akin to most rappers), so she goes online to Education Connection to find the right college!
For her!
Yeah…. That’s how I find the most legit places to go to college…. Through a third-party source that only advertises during [adult swim].
And that’s pretty much the entire commercial. Some scrawny white girl rapping to me (and not current rap, like late 80s-early 90s, Ton-Luc should be doing this commercial rap) in an attempt to get me to visit a website to get to college.
Did I mention I’m watching a television show starring anthropomorphic fast food items?
What the FUCK makes you think that if I’m not already in college, that I’m even thinking about it?
Shit, Girls Gone Wild runs its ads during these times and I don’t know of anyone, ever, who’s bought anything related to Girls Gone Wild.
That’s naked chicks, catering to the stupid adult cartoon crowd, not selling anything.
What makes you think you’re going to sell college?!
Now, as some of you may recall, this is the awesome part of the entry. So why is it awesome?
To put it simply, it takes serious dedication to fuck up this badly on a commercial. You have to get a group of people together, firmly deciding not to think at all about logistics, demographics, or pop culture phenomena of the past 20 years to make something this awful.
That I can respect!
The commercial looks like it was made before most people even knew what the internet was!
For not getting a single damn thing right and making me laugh through the entire minute long shit-mercial, Education Connection- you’re awesome.
NOT AWESOME: Michael Cera
We get it. You’re the nerdy white teenager.
Now please, for the love of God, DO SOMETHING ELSE.
I don’t care what it is! I’m so sick and tired of seeing Michael Cera play the same role that I literally become enraged when I see trailers with him in it.
Please Michael, I want to see you do other things! Please!
For the record- I think he’s a good actor! I liked him in Superbad (when his being the nerdy white guy had not yet become cliché) and even saw him on “Tim and Eric”, and I’ve wanted to see other movies he’s been in (Juno, for one).
But I just can’t fucking take it anymore! I’m so pissed off! Because I think the visuals, the story, and the other actors that are in “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World” make it look like a really kickass movie. (Note: Not “Kickass” movie- that was something else)
But no! Michael Cera just HAS to play the nerdy white teenager-guy! Now I can’t go see the movie! What a shitload of fuck…
Oh, and for the record, he’s 22.
Not that I have a problem with older actors playing teenagers- Alan Ruck as Cameron in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is perhaps my favorite character/performance of all time, and Ruck was 28 when he played the 18-year-old Cameron.
But Ruck didn’t make a living playing ONLY teenage characters his whole fucking life.
You know who this reminds me of?
Anthony Michael Hall. You know him, the nerdy white teenager guy from Sixteen Candles, the Breakfast Club, Weird Science. Yeah. A generation down the line and we have Michael Cera.
OH WAIT.
NO IT DOESN’T.
ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL FUCKING TURNED DOWN GEEK ROLES SO AS NOT TO GET TYPECAST HIS WHOLE LIFE.
Good for you, man. See, the Dead Zone lasted a couple of years. Awesome.
So Micheal Cera, if you’re reading this (and I know you are- don’t lie), do something else. Grow a pair, or at least make the pair you’ve got drop. Cause deep down, I wanna like you, but right now, you’re not awesome.
Oh, and Michael… while you’re reading this, I’m very interested in playing the nerdy white guy’s friend in whatever projects you’ve got coming up.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Awesome/Not Awesome (8-2-10)
Welcome back to another edition of Awesome/Not Awesome! As promised, there will be a new Awesome/Not Awesome EVERY WEEKDAY of this month, so keep coming back readers! If not, then fuck you!
“Last Comic Standing” would be much better if they gave the comedians humorous “weapons” and had them fight to the death “Battle Royale” style.
AWESOME: “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor
Everybody knows this song. And everybody should, cause this song kicks ass!
For those of you who don’t know though, “Eye of the Tiger” is the fight song for one of the best sports movies of all time, Rocky III.
Obviously, being associated with Rocky Balboa and Clubber Lang is a big reason why this song is awesome.
But there’s more to it than that. This song, I think, was solely written for the purpose of getting pumped up and fucking up shit. I mean, shit, just thinking about it makes me wanna go work out.
And I hate working out!
With this song playing in the background, any activity can look awesome, particularly with the intro.
The following is a short list of everyday things that automatically become badass with “Eye of the Tiger”.
1) Getting gas
2) Taking a shower
3) Mailing a letter
4) Brushing your teeth
5) Taking a shit
6) Almost getting hit by a car
This song came on the radio when I was on my way to take my Physics II final exam. And damn it, I’m never been so fucking ready to kick a test’s ass. I was going to make that test my bitch. Yeahh….
Result, you ask?
I aced it. Got an A in Physics II.
Thanks “Eye of the Tiger”!
NOT AWESOME: “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor
This marks a first in Awesome/Not Awesome history. The same thing is both awesome and not awesome on the same day. Cheah.
Wrap your head around that.
But here’s the problem I have with it:
This one song has probably caused the most one-sided, most needless, most senseless fistfights in the history of the universe.
It’s a good thing I was on my way to my physics test and not on my way to say…. The Hardware Bar or some shit like that.
Because
a) I fucking hate the Hardware Bar, and
b) I would have been punching tools left and right
Which would, of course, lead me to leaving the Hardware Bar in a stretcher.
Not that tools can fight, but get a horde of them together, and my prediction: pain (for me).
I cannot be the only person who’s wanted to fight someone or a group of someones, for little to no reason, after hearing that song.
Song’s fucking dangerous!
“Eye of the Tiger” is the only song which seems to be its own cliché or parody. The lyrics are 80s-awesome, but just so damn corny too. It’s somehow overly-manly while still containing the right riffs to make it beloved by all, and having just enough of whatever it is that makes me want to kick somebody’s ass.
Alright, so, you may be asking yourself if the song is both awesome and not awesome…
What is my final verdict on “Eye of the Tiger”?
Still totally fucking awesome. Awesomeness heavily outweighs the not-awesomeness.
So what do I think of the guy who doesn’t like the song, then? Do I hate him?
No, no, I don’t hate him, but I pity the fool.
“Last Comic Standing” would be much better if they gave the comedians humorous “weapons” and had them fight to the death “Battle Royale” style.
AWESOME: “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor
Everybody knows this song. And everybody should, cause this song kicks ass!
For those of you who don’t know though, “Eye of the Tiger” is the fight song for one of the best sports movies of all time, Rocky III.
Obviously, being associated with Rocky Balboa and Clubber Lang is a big reason why this song is awesome.
But there’s more to it than that. This song, I think, was solely written for the purpose of getting pumped up and fucking up shit. I mean, shit, just thinking about it makes me wanna go work out.
And I hate working out!
With this song playing in the background, any activity can look awesome, particularly with the intro.
The following is a short list of everyday things that automatically become badass with “Eye of the Tiger”.
1) Getting gas
2) Taking a shower
3) Mailing a letter
4) Brushing your teeth
5) Taking a shit
6) Almost getting hit by a car
This song came on the radio when I was on my way to take my Physics II final exam. And damn it, I’m never been so fucking ready to kick a test’s ass. I was going to make that test my bitch. Yeahh….
Result, you ask?
I aced it. Got an A in Physics II.
Thanks “Eye of the Tiger”!
NOT AWESOME: “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor
This marks a first in Awesome/Not Awesome history. The same thing is both awesome and not awesome on the same day. Cheah.
Wrap your head around that.
But here’s the problem I have with it:
This one song has probably caused the most one-sided, most needless, most senseless fistfights in the history of the universe.
It’s a good thing I was on my way to my physics test and not on my way to say…. The Hardware Bar or some shit like that.
Because
a) I fucking hate the Hardware Bar, and
b) I would have been punching tools left and right
Which would, of course, lead me to leaving the Hardware Bar in a stretcher.
Not that tools can fight, but get a horde of them together, and my prediction: pain (for me).
I cannot be the only person who’s wanted to fight someone or a group of someones, for little to no reason, after hearing that song.
Song’s fucking dangerous!
“Eye of the Tiger” is the only song which seems to be its own cliché or parody. The lyrics are 80s-awesome, but just so damn corny too. It’s somehow overly-manly while still containing the right riffs to make it beloved by all, and having just enough of whatever it is that makes me want to kick somebody’s ass.
Alright, so, you may be asking yourself if the song is both awesome and not awesome…
What is my final verdict on “Eye of the Tiger”?
Still totally fucking awesome. Awesomeness heavily outweighs the not-awesomeness.
So what do I think of the guy who doesn’t like the song, then? Do I hate him?
No, no, I don’t hate him, but I pity the fool.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Special Not Awesome (3-23-10)
Today was a bad day.
I know it's only 12:30, but here me out.
Obama passed the health care bill.
Now I'm not upset by this in it of itself. I think it's a good idea of theory- in practice, we'll see.
But the problem is, a special news report was aired covering the historic event. Which leads me to a very special not awesome.
NOT AWESOME: Shit that Interrupts "The Price is Right"
Why does all this crap have to happen during one of my favorite shows- the ONLY show I ever watch during the day time.
I mean, I like Ellen a lot, but if I had to choose between TPIR and Ellen, TPIR is going to win every time.
So how fucking unlucky do I have to be for this to be consistently interrupted by other events, knocking it off the air?
I mean what the hell!
WHY DOES "IMPORTANT" SHIT ONLY HAPPEN DURING THE ELEVEN A.M. HOUR?!
As I previously mentioned, today Obama signed the health care bill. Like it or not, this is a newsworthy event. I'm man enough to admit that.
But Goddamn! It wasn't the fucking State of the Union address!
I don't know who was in attendence during the press conference, but DID EVERYONE HAVE TO APPLAUD AFTER EVERY OTHER WORD JOE BIDEN OR BARACK OBAMA SAID?
I imagine halfway through Obama could have said something like this:
"I"
APPLAUSE!
"took a"
APPLAUSE!
"two-flush"
APPLAUSE!
"mega-shit earlier."
APPLUASE!
"Buffalo wings."
UPROARIOUS APPLUASE!
All this applause wastes time! Appluase is not newsworthy! I don't care whether the people in the room support the bill!
I COULD BE MISSING FUCKING PLINKO! LET'S MOVE THIS SHIT ALONG!
But, at least this was the President of the United States of American getting between me and my beloved game show. I mean, he's not just anybody. This was real honest to God news- something I hadn't really seen in a while.
NOT LIKE THE LAST FUCKING TIME TPIR GOT DICKED OVER.
Tiger Woods- maybe a lot of people have forgiven you- but not this guy! You are now on a my shitlist. And that's a hard list to get off, fuckwad.
It was a Friday morning- looking to start off the weekend right. Get my Price is Right on. BUT WAIT!
Tiger Woods is breaking his silence!
QUICK!
Get this man a podium and the national news!
Let's let him speak to us about shit that doesn't concern us in the slightest for fifteen minutes!
He's a celebrity!
Oooohhh, ahhhh.
WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT?!
I don't care who Tiger Woods boned OR how often his wife beat him, it's not as good as watching the little hiker guy fall off the cliff in "Cliffhanger".
The following is a list of things it's okay to interrupt the Price is Right for:
1) National Security Issue!
2) Osama was captured!
3) Aliens discovered/invading!
4) Horrific Amusement Park Accident!
5) Breaking News: Sean Connery dies!
6) Assassination!
7) Kurt Cobain discovered living with Osama!
8) Kurt Cobain discovered living with aliens!
9) Kurt Cobain discovered living!
10) Breaking news: Elvis, Kurt Cobain, Sean Connery actually same person!
11) Fabio hit in the face by another goose!
Yep, that's pretty much it. Those are things it would be okay to stop airing of TPIR.
You know what's not on the list?
TIGER FUCKING WOODS, AND THE GODDAMN HEALTH CARE BILL!
It's not that I don't care about these things-
Well, it's not that I don't care about the health care bill-
But can't it at least wait until 12?
Cause you know what's on at 12?
Infomercials.
That's right, infomercials.
So let me ask you this, Internets:
If we can't trust the government and major news outlets to eliminate infomercials and ensure that we get our Price is Right, then what the fuck can we trust them with?
What the fuck are they good for?
Absolutely nothing!
Not awesome. For sure.
I know it's only 12:30, but here me out.
Obama passed the health care bill.
Now I'm not upset by this in it of itself. I think it's a good idea of theory- in practice, we'll see.
But the problem is, a special news report was aired covering the historic event. Which leads me to a very special not awesome.
NOT AWESOME: Shit that Interrupts "The Price is Right"
Why does all this crap have to happen during one of my favorite shows- the ONLY show I ever watch during the day time.
I mean, I like Ellen a lot, but if I had to choose between TPIR and Ellen, TPIR is going to win every time.
So how fucking unlucky do I have to be for this to be consistently interrupted by other events, knocking it off the air?
I mean what the hell!
WHY DOES "IMPORTANT" SHIT ONLY HAPPEN DURING THE ELEVEN A.M. HOUR?!
As I previously mentioned, today Obama signed the health care bill. Like it or not, this is a newsworthy event. I'm man enough to admit that.
But Goddamn! It wasn't the fucking State of the Union address!
I don't know who was in attendence during the press conference, but DID EVERYONE HAVE TO APPLAUD AFTER EVERY OTHER WORD JOE BIDEN OR BARACK OBAMA SAID?
I imagine halfway through Obama could have said something like this:
"I"
APPLAUSE!
"took a"
APPLAUSE!
"two-flush"
APPLAUSE!
"mega-shit earlier."
APPLUASE!
"Buffalo wings."
UPROARIOUS APPLUASE!
All this applause wastes time! Appluase is not newsworthy! I don't care whether the people in the room support the bill!
I COULD BE MISSING FUCKING PLINKO! LET'S MOVE THIS SHIT ALONG!
But, at least this was the President of the United States of American getting between me and my beloved game show. I mean, he's not just anybody. This was real honest to God news- something I hadn't really seen in a while.
NOT LIKE THE LAST FUCKING TIME TPIR GOT DICKED OVER.
Tiger Woods- maybe a lot of people have forgiven you- but not this guy! You are now on a my shitlist. And that's a hard list to get off, fuckwad.
It was a Friday morning- looking to start off the weekend right. Get my Price is Right on. BUT WAIT!
Tiger Woods is breaking his silence!
QUICK!
Get this man a podium and the national news!
Let's let him speak to us about shit that doesn't concern us in the slightest for fifteen minutes!
He's a celebrity!
Oooohhh, ahhhh.
WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT?!
I don't care who Tiger Woods boned OR how often his wife beat him, it's not as good as watching the little hiker guy fall off the cliff in "Cliffhanger".
The following is a list of things it's okay to interrupt the Price is Right for:
1) National Security Issue!
2) Osama was captured!
3) Aliens discovered/invading!
4) Horrific Amusement Park Accident!
5) Breaking News: Sean Connery dies!
6) Assassination!
7) Kurt Cobain discovered living with Osama!
8) Kurt Cobain discovered living with aliens!
9) Kurt Cobain discovered living!
10) Breaking news: Elvis, Kurt Cobain, Sean Connery actually same person!
11) Fabio hit in the face by another goose!
Yep, that's pretty much it. Those are things it would be okay to stop airing of TPIR.
You know what's not on the list?
TIGER FUCKING WOODS, AND THE GODDAMN HEALTH CARE BILL!
It's not that I don't care about these things-
Well, it's not that I don't care about the health care bill-
But can't it at least wait until 12?
Cause you know what's on at 12?
Infomercials.
That's right, infomercials.
So let me ask you this, Internets:
If we can't trust the government and major news outlets to eliminate infomercials and ensure that we get our Price is Right, then what the fuck can we trust them with?
What the fuck are they good for?
Absolutely nothing!
Not awesome. For sure.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Awesome/Not Awesome (3-20-10)
I have an idea for a movie called "March Madness".
It's a comedy-horror flick, in which so many upsets occur in the NCAA Men's Basketball Div. I Tournament that the human mind fails and mass insanity occurs, with only the most strong-willed and intelligent left to survive through the chaos of the crazy.
Oh, come on, it can't be that bad!
AWESOME: Rickrolling
Ah, the wonders of the internet. You can information on virtually every topic known to man, watch TV, keep in touch with your friends, even find someone to fuck!
In fact, it's really easy to share something interesting with your friends via the internet. For example, you can post in an e-mail to a friend:
"Hey friend,
Check out this really cool blog I found. This guy is really funny and interesting. Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ"
And if the friend is like most people, he doesn't even bother to look at the link and just blindly clicks it, and...
BOOM!
Now he's watching Rick Astley's music video for his 80's hit, "Never Gonna Give You Up", a hilariously awkward thing to be caught watching at your place of work, or a school library.
For those of you who don't know, Rick Astley is a scrawny nerdy looking white guy with a voice that you would typically associate with a heavy set black guy. Really, that doesn't even do it justice. Everybody who's heard this song is shocked that this man is singing it. I don't know what that says about our perception of people, but it's kinda like hearing a Snoop Dogg song and then finding out that it wasn't Snoop Dogg at all. It was Weird Al.
It hurts the mind.
But it's so entertaining to cause other people to experience the mindfuck and shame accompanied with a Rickroll. "Never Gonna Give You Up" is the perfect song to do something like this.
So whoever thought of this, I salute you.
You're a genius and you're awesome.
Why you thought of doing this?
I'll never know.
NOT AWESOME: Time
Fuck time! It can kiss my ass! It always does the same fucking thing, and it's way inconvenient!
How come really enjoyable things go by so quickly and shit that fucking sucks lasts forever?!
And don't give me any bullshit about perception or anticipation being the cause. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but if time wasn't such a bitch it wouldn't matter!
But that's not all. There's never enough of it.
I never get the shit I want or need to get done in a given day accomplished. I swear time conspires to sabotage me.
I mean, look at the blog!
You think I like that I've hardly written anything since October?
NO!
But that's what time does to you. You got responsibilities, and a fixed number of hours in the day. So as responsibilities go up, time should too! But it doesn't. Something's got to give, and unfortunately this blog probably won't get me good grades or a job, so see ya, Awesome/Not Awesome.
In Harry Potter and the Prisoner of the Azkaban (you know, the HP book that kicked major ass but the film that blew ass chunks), Hermione has this hourglass that allows her to time travel a few hours back, so she can get more shit done or find time to sleep or something.
I need that! Dude! I'm sick and tired of being time's bitch!
Although, if I'm gonna time travel, I want to do with some style.... a DeLorean!
And then Awesome/Not Awesome wouldn't have to die because I ran out of time.... wait a minute, I got all the time I want, I got a time machine! I could go back and warm myself!
Time's a piece of shit! Gotta go!
starckie!
Noooooooo, you bastards!
Not awesome!
It's a comedy-horror flick, in which so many upsets occur in the NCAA Men's Basketball Div. I Tournament that the human mind fails and mass insanity occurs, with only the most strong-willed and intelligent left to survive through the chaos of the crazy.
Oh, come on, it can't be that bad!
AWESOME: Rickrolling
Ah, the wonders of the internet. You can information on virtually every topic known to man, watch TV, keep in touch with your friends, even find someone to fuck!
In fact, it's really easy to share something interesting with your friends via the internet. For example, you can post in an e-mail to a friend:
"Hey friend,
Check out this really cool blog I found. This guy is really funny and interesting. Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ"
And if the friend is like most people, he doesn't even bother to look at the link and just blindly clicks it, and...
BOOM!
Now he's watching Rick Astley's music video for his 80's hit, "Never Gonna Give You Up", a hilariously awkward thing to be caught watching at your place of work, or a school library.
For those of you who don't know, Rick Astley is a scrawny nerdy looking white guy with a voice that you would typically associate with a heavy set black guy. Really, that doesn't even do it justice. Everybody who's heard this song is shocked that this man is singing it. I don't know what that says about our perception of people, but it's kinda like hearing a Snoop Dogg song and then finding out that it wasn't Snoop Dogg at all. It was Weird Al.
It hurts the mind.
But it's so entertaining to cause other people to experience the mindfuck and shame accompanied with a Rickroll. "Never Gonna Give You Up" is the perfect song to do something like this.
So whoever thought of this, I salute you.
You're a genius and you're awesome.
Why you thought of doing this?
I'll never know.
NOT AWESOME: Time
Fuck time! It can kiss my ass! It always does the same fucking thing, and it's way inconvenient!
How come really enjoyable things go by so quickly and shit that fucking sucks lasts forever?!
And don't give me any bullshit about perception or anticipation being the cause. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but if time wasn't such a bitch it wouldn't matter!
But that's not all. There's never enough of it.
I never get the shit I want or need to get done in a given day accomplished. I swear time conspires to sabotage me.
I mean, look at the blog!
You think I like that I've hardly written anything since October?
NO!
But that's what time does to you. You got responsibilities, and a fixed number of hours in the day. So as responsibilities go up, time should too! But it doesn't. Something's got to give, and unfortunately this blog probably won't get me good grades or a job, so see ya, Awesome/Not Awesome.
In Harry Potter and the Prisoner of the Azkaban (you know, the HP book that kicked major ass but the film that blew ass chunks), Hermione has this hourglass that allows her to time travel a few hours back, so she can get more shit done or find time to sleep or something.
I need that! Dude! I'm sick and tired of being time's bitch!
Although, if I'm gonna time travel, I want to do with some style.... a DeLorean!
And then Awesome/Not Awesome wouldn't have to die because I ran out of time.... wait a minute, I got all the time I want, I got a time machine! I could go back and warm myself!
Time's a piece of shit! Gotta go!
starckie!
Noooooooo, you bastards!
Not awesome!
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